Here I am. Eight weeks to go. Wow, it feels crazy typing that. In less than two months, I’ll be a mother. Bananas. I shared updates with you guys at the half-way point, and then again toward the end of my second trimester. Now that I’m well into my final trimester, I thought I’d share one more big pregnancy update before baby arrives.
I was pretty candid in my other two posts, and included lots of joyful moments as well as plenty of details of the non-glamorous side of being pregnant. In the first post, I shared my story of trying to conceive, my miscarriage last December, our positive test in April, and both the highs (like an intense sense of well-being) and lows (like constant vomiting and exhaustion) of the first trimester. In the second post, I told you about my excessive emotions (I felt a lot of feelings, guys), and the strange, slightly petrifying nightly panic attacks that came (and for the most part, went) during my second trimester.
I’m happy to report that so far, the third trimester has been a really positive experience. Sure, it’s difficult to breathe after every meal and while lying down when a mini human is pushed up into your stomach and diaphragm. And the heart burn and acid reflux that feel like a fiery hot knife stabbing me in the esophagus aren’t exactly my idea of a good time. Searing back pain, intense leg cramps, and an inability to tie my shoes/shave my legs/sleep for more than an hour at a time at night are all new and interesting parts of my daily existence. But every time I feel this baby girl roll over, or watch her elbow move across my belly, or feel her tiny hiccups, all of the yucky crap just disappears. It feels more real than ever now. I have Braxton Hicks contractions preparing my body for childbirth. And I can physically see a baby move under my skin. It’s weird and alien and miraculous and freaking amazing, and it’s worth feeling huge and awkward and more uncomfortable than I’ve ever felt in my life. I still have a while to go, and perhaps in a few weeks when I can’t get off the couch without help, I’ll feel a little less jolly about the whole thing. Right now though, this just might be my favorite trimester so far. I can finally get a grasp on the fact that (holy shit!) I’m going to be a mother. In a few days, we have our breast feeding class, and next weekend, we take a (nine hour!) birthing class. I can’t imagine how much more real it will feel after that. We still have a lot to do – the nursery is far from being done, I have about a dozen baby books that need to be read (because hi, I have no idea what I’m doing once she gets here), there’s still a lot of things to buy and to get in order, and it all has to happen during the busiest season (by far) for my work. But it’s all going to work out just fine. It’s going to be incredible, as a matter of fact.
Honestly, despite the struggles that I’ve shared here, all three trimesters have been overwhelmingly positive for me. I’d say that aside from the panic attacks (because who enjoys being awoken from a dead sleep to intense feelings of irrational, unexplainable fear?), even the difficult parts have been magical in their own ways. They’ve been reminders that I’m growing a human – a human who we really, really wanted. Inside of my belly is a sweet little girl, who Robbie and I get to keep and love and watch grow, together. Something about that washes away any fears or complaints or feelings of negativity, and allows me to realize that it’s all just a part of the experience. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the opportunity to go through this again, so while I’m in it, I making sure that I appreciate every moment of it.
Thank you, so much, for letting me share this journey with you guys. I can’t wait to see what happens next.