How to Write a Blog vs How to Write a Book

After writing a blog for half a decade now, you’d think that the transition from blog to book would be effortless; and if not that, at least somewhat intuitive. You’d be wrong. It’s kind of like saying, hey, I walk my dog every day, I’m totally up for a triathlon.

Some of you have asked how it’s going or what it’s like. It’s not easy, but really, what good things in life are? I’m enjoying the process immensely. I’m Ralph Macchio currently getting edited by my very own Pat Morita. We are on our way! The first draft of (who knows how many versions of) All Dogs Go to Kevin is complete, and I’ve learned a lot along the way.

How to write a blog:

1. Get a WordPress account.

2. Write something.

3. Edit (optional)

4. Publish.

haha

5. Repeat for 5 years or so.

How to write a book (Option 1):

1. Adopt a funny looking animal.

2. Join reddit.

doge

How to write a book (Option 2):

1. Write a blog (optional but strongly recommended)

2. Write some stuff. Show it to an agent.

3. Trash what you wrote in Step 2. Repeat step 2 and 3, eight times.

4. Take a break and wallow in despair at your crummy writing skills.

5. Write some better stuff. Now you have a proposal. Agent shows it to a publisher.

6. Don’t forget to blog about steps 1-5

7. Publisher gives you a contract longer than your actual proposal, plus a deadline for an actual book consisting of a whole lot more words than you’ve ever strung together in your life.

8. Write some stuff. Show it to no one.

9. Write some more stuff. Panic a little. Read, a lot.

10. Attempt to edit, get paralyzed with inability to see beyond current sentence. Decide entire thing is a steaming pile of garbage but now it’s too late to turn back and all you have is a deadline and some roadkill.

11. Hand manuscript to editor with the same apologetic smile you use when you give a dirty diaper to the flight attendant.

12. Wait, breathlessly. Blog a little. Wallow some more in the certitude you are no Maya Angelou, no Stephen King, no Harper Lee.

13. Pick up 50 Shades of Grey and Snooki’s latest book, then feel better about Number 12. Maybe it’s doable after all.

ralphiesnooki

14. Open up envelope with your first draft manuscript, neatly evaluated by an editor kind enough to use a pencil and not a big red crayon for the comments. You’re the before scene in an 80′s teen flick. All you need is some tough love and a montage to get into shape!

15. ??? That’s as far as I made it as of today. I’ve got one year to fill in the rest and then we can all pretend it was an effortless endeavor.

photo

Check back in a month for coffee rings, notes written in my own blood and perhaps some tooth marks from a neglected dog.

All that being said, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t deliriously happy. I love every moment of the process.

 

Pawcurious: With Pet Lifestyle Expert and Veterinarian Dr. V.

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